I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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