His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
