so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
