my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
