He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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