Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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