oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
