OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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