your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
do herpes really smell.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
