I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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