She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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