Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
