i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
