just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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