We're facebook friends in real life
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
