This is not my ceiling
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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