we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
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So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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