i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
