im drinking this country out of the recession.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
