i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
