Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
