I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
