at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
