i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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