So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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