so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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