dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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