i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
