Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
