You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize