some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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