My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
