Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
