NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
