i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize