who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
People in love make me want to vomit
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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