Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
