just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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