the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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