the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
