I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
