i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drake has all the answers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
