I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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