I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was born a porn star she said
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
