Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
