And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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