she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
