My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
