I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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