Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
