Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
