You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
