pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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