my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
