Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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