I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
