Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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