I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
