The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
