I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
