remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
