Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
