he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
