i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize